Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
