Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
