I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
