Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
