What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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