She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
