so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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