My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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