i think my tv is drunk
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
