I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
