i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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