Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
