Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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