He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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