I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
