You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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