I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
