My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
