so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
