You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
