worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
