Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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