how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
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He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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