I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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