im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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