Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
