nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
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I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize