even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
