Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
