I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
