Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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