made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
