You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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