Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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