you turned your livingroom into a bong?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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