If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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