I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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