hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
