how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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