my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize