Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
