they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
