i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
