Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
