Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
