I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
is that a dick in a sweater?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
