Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
