Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
