when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
