Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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