my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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