the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
