I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
