i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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