Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
