Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
