when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
