You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
