worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
