my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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