I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
