mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
