Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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