Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
