after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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