I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
