At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
