I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
