Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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