This girl is more easily done than said...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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