my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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