oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
