My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
