mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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