I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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